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  They feed him some lines, and he replies with a warm, friendly tone. His deep soothing voice is not what I had expected from such a frat boy type of guy, but it suits him as it matches his bright smile, which slowly reveals perfect small white teeth. He is quick to grin and when he does it reaches completely to his eyes, which crinkle ever so slightly in the corners.

  He gives some back and forth banter with the casting director. It all seems very natural and genuine. They run a short scene, and his tempo is on point. The camera pulls in on his face, and I see his lashes are so lush they look as though he could be wearing eyeliner. Then he looks directly into the camera and his shining hazel colored eyes are staring right back at me. The camera pulls back, and I see his gentle movements as he takes a seat on the chair. Another actor steps in to read back lines with him and is fully engaged in his performance. He gestures with his large hands and runs his hand through his short hair. It falls perfectly back into place.

  The casting director then thanks him for his time and the clip ends. Maybe I shouldn’t be too hasty in making my decision.

  Chapter 3

  Noah

  Islept terribly last night. All the events of the day kept running through my mind. After my talk with Gemma, I watched the audition for the actor. Actually, I watched it about six times but who’s counting. I had to get a grip on this real quick. If I said yes, could I pull this off? What would the fall out look like? Would every interview I do after this always be people asking me if I’m gay or not? What about him? Was he gay? So many questions.

  It’s Saturday, so I get up and start my normal routine. I go downstairs and find Lola sunning in her usual spot. She hears me coming and immediately jumps up, ready for her Fancy Feast. I make my breakfast of egg whites, avocado, toast and turkey bacon, then put on my sneakers to go on my five-mile run.

  Running is cathartic to me. It cleanses my mind, and at that moment, nothing else matters. I run through my neighborhood with its perfectly manicured lawns and pruned trees. I see my neighbor Mrs. Jennings across the street as I run past. She’s in her 80s. Her husband died about a year ago. I check in on her every couple of days to make sure she’s got everything she needs. We bonded one day over her love of the soaps and my love of her deep-dish peach cobbler — my one weakness. I wave at her as I pass by.

  “Hey, there, Noah!” She says as she looks up from her gardening. “Is today the day they finally kill off that horrible Cassandra woman?” I never said she wasn’t feisty.

  “You know I can’t divulge that kind of info Clara, but if I were you, I would be sure to watch the show on Friday.”

  “You know I will!” She grins widely, moving her ample frame from one tomato plant to the next.

  I book my way around the corner and turn the volume up on my iWatch and track my pace. Wagner is blasting Ride of the Valkyries in my ears to get me pumped. I swig some water and start running it out harder. Today I feel like I am trying to escape something, but I can’t quite get far enough away. I am drenched by the time I reach the canyon. It’s a rare clear day, with the smog barely visible. I look out over the canyon at the City of Angels in front of me and wonder if I could ever go back to the beginning of my career again. It’s a city that gave me more than I probably deserved, but there was going to be a price to pay.

  I sit down on a nearby rock and splash some water from my bottle over my head. A few more people have made the journey up here as well by now. There is a young couple in their early 20s with their lab jogging up the steep slope. I see a guy who looks vaguely familiar in his overpriced Lululemon ware as well as a couple of guys further out on the peak.

  The young couple’s lab comes over to me and starts sniffing around. They come closer to retrieve him when it dawns on her who I am. The young woman immediately grabs her smartphone and asks me for a selfie. I oblige, never one to turn down a fan. It’s a simple thing that takes no time. She thanks me politely and they take off again.

  I look up and see the two guys on the peak, only this time one of them is down on one knee. In a flash, I realize what I am witnessing. He’s proposing to his boyfriend. If it wasn’t for this move, I don’t think I ever would have assumed they were a couple.

  The other guy is caught off guard. He covers his mouth with his hands, and I see his chest start to move as if he is gasping for air. The guy proposing has a speech prepared, and you can see the hope and intensity in his eyes as he grabs the other man’s hand. He accepts, and he grabs him around the waist and hugs him tightly. A small group of bystanders’ clap and holler for the couple. They kiss, and you can see the bond of love between them. He puts the ring on his finger, and they embrace. They whisper sweet words between each other and slowly make their way down the canyon.

  Maybe this was a sign I was looking for.

  I arrive early on set Monday and head to my dressing room. I pass Ash on the way, who had an early call.

  “Hey, man, what’s up?”

  “Hey, not much.”

  “Haven’t seen you too much lately. Where you been hiding?”

  “Not hiding, just been busy lately.” Total lie.

  “Alright, well come on by Traxxx later when you get unbusy. Grab a beer. A group of us will be there.”

  “Thanks, man. I’ll check it out.” Even bigger lie.

  I put my stuff down on my couch and try to prepare mentally. On my desk is this week’s script. Again my part has been cut down. At least this week I have three lines. On the bright side, I can at least remember all my lines now. I sit back in my chair and think about my situation and what I am going to say to Steph and Genie.

  Ten minutes later, I am headed down the hall back toward their office. I knock softly and hear a friendly call to come on in.

  “Hey Noah, glad you got in early, Genie and I were just talking about you.” I’m sure you were.

  “Yeah, well uh, I wanted to get this out of the way.” I feel my heart starting to palpitate and that woozy feeling coming back. I take a seat next to Genie again and brace myself for their next words.

  “Well, I hope you have had a chance to consider our proposal. The whole team is really behind this storyline and eager to get it underway. All we need is your thoughts on the matter.”

  Feeling perspiration on my upper lip, I open my mouth and say, “I thought long and hard about it this weekend. I talked to my agent, and we agreed. I will stay with the show and renew my contract if we can do a successful screen test together.”

  Steph and Genie turn toward each other, and huge smiles breakout.

  “Noah, that’s great! We are so excited to get you back in action,” Steph says beaming. “I’ll get on it and see if we can get Josh in here tomorrow for the screen test.”

  My heart is beating so fast. That’s it. I’ve committed. By tomorrow I’ll know my fate on the show.

  They have decided to do the screen test on a set used for the show. It is the bar where the local townsfolk hang out. I arrived on set first. I’m feeling anxious but not the complete wreck I thought I might be. There are only a few people here today as it is a closed set, so it shouldn’t be too nerve-wracking.

  I am determined to keep a positive, professional attitude today. I did some yoga this morning and cleared my mind. I hear Steph’s booming voice coming from around the corner.

  “So, you ready for today?”

  “As much as I can be.”

  “Great. Look, he’s on his way in, I saw him outside. Anything we need to go over before you meet him?”

  “Nah, I’m good.” Remember to breathe.

  “All right then. I’ve got a great feeling about this one.” He smiles and has this little twinkle in his eye that I can’t quite figure out. He turns around and goes over to talk with our Casting Director. Genie is not here yet. I look around, trying to figure out what to do with myself. What should I say to him? Should I speak first? How should I act? I’m the veteran here; maybe I should mark my territory? I hear the door open and look over. Oh, shit, here it g
oes. But it’s not him, just a couple of crew members. Why the hell am I so nervous?

  Then I see Genie enter and right behind her is the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my entire life. I swear it is like all the light has been sucked out of the room and focused on him.

  This man in front of me is far from the guy I saw on the clip. This guy is six full feet of raw man. I forget to breathe. I know I’m staring, but god help me, I can’t take my eyes off of him. He does not see me yet as he walks over to Steph and the Casting Director Abby.

  He is wearing pleated khaki pants and a light blue button up long sleeve dress shirt, unbuttoned at the top with a white T-shirt beneath. He has on a chain with silver dog tags hanging low. His deep tanned skin is a contrast to the lighter colored clothes. His dark blond hair has been styled up, probably with some gel, so it is not low in his eyes as it was in the video. He has plush lips that thin slightly at the corners and pull up into the brightest smile I’ve ever seen. His build is solid with his chest straining slightly against the shirt fabric. He has broad shoulders and defined forearms with small pulsing veins that are visible. Did he do like 100 reps before he walked in the door or is he always that pumped?

  “Noah, come on over here, I would like you to meet Joshua Hill,” says Steph. I barely heard him and pray to God he hasn’t been speaking to me this entire time as I ogled Josh.

  I make my way over to the group, and for the first time, he sets eyes on me. Initially, his look is a blank slate as if looking straight through me. Then he recovers, and he quickly extends his hand in greeting. His hands are a little rough, and he has a good firm grip.

  “Hi, Noah, it’s great to meet you. You can call me, Josh.” His warm, hazel colored eyes look slightly greener than brown. He seems like he is almost a little confused to see me here.

  I find my voice and say, “Great to finally meet you too.” He looks even more confused now. I’m getting concerned. He wasn’t expecting me at all, was he?

  “Well, now that we are all here, we can get down to business,” Genie says. Josh looks around the room as if he was expecting someone else to show up. “We have a scene we would like you guys to read through. Take a few minutes to look it over, and we’ll freestyle through it.” Genie hands us both copies of the short script.

  I walk over to the bar on set and sit down on the stool. Josh, looking bewildered now, grabs the script and takes a seat one down from me. It is a simple run through script, probably not one that we will use in an actual show. It is a scene where we first meet in the bar. There is only a casual conversation. It is supposed to convey our initial attraction to one another.

  As I almost finish reading, I slyly look over to Josh to see his reaction. I see his brow is furrowed. Then he skips forward a few pages in the script going almost to the end. I see his mouth part, and he takes in a giant breath. He looks down at the bar for a second. Then, as if trying to appear nonchalant, goes back to reading the script. This time his face is back to the blank slate he had when he first saw me.

  When he finishes, he darts his eyes over to me quickly. When he sees I am looking in his direction, he pulls his eyes away, unable to meet mine. He just read the last shot.

  Steph comes over to talk to both of us. “We don’t have a lot of time since we have to use this set for shooting today, do you have any questions? Are you prepared to do a quick read through, then we can shoot?” He looks between us both sensing a small amount of tension.

  Josh bounces back fast from wherever he was a minute ago. “Sure, I’m ready; how about you, Noah?” He is playing it off, but I can see the trepidation in his eyes.

  “Yeah, let’s get started.”

  With scripts in hand, both of us, Steph, Genie and Abby gather around the bar. The scene starts with my character Jace having just returned from a trip and going to the town bar for the first time in weeks. He walks in and sees a new patron there he has never seen before. It is Josh’s character Max, over by the pool tables. Jace then proceeds to start small talk with Max. From time to time, we both pick our eyes up from the script to regard one another. So far, so good.

  Now the tone of the script changes a little. Jace and Max are isolated in conversation. It is obvious there is some vague attraction between the two characters. Jace and Max play a round of pool together. They are entranced with each other. When each gets up to take their shot, the other is given full range to check them out. It ends with Jace and Max leaving late at night after the others have left. They go to their cars but are resistant to leave each other’s presence. They stay in each other’s space for as long as possible, getting closer as they talk. Max goes up to Jace and enters his number in his phone he looks up at Jace, and they hover near each other very closely, but never complete the kiss. End scene.

  Josh and I look up at each other. The tips of his tanned ears have turned pink. I’m positive I don’t look much different. Breathe.

  They position us for how they want the scene to play out, and we prepare to perform the scene with scripts in hand. The camera guy gets in position, and we get ready to play out the shot for real. Something comes over me, and I kick it into gear. I channel Jace and play him out as I normally would. Though having only had a short time with his character, Josh begins to craft the demeanor of his character Max. We are doing fine; then we hit the first flirtatious scene. My palms start to sweat and holding the pool cue becomes a challenge. Josh leans over to take his cue shot. I don’t know why I notice this, but he has what I imagine is an awesome backside. I flush a little.

  We play out the scene as written, glancing at the script from time to time, but also ad-libbing a little to stay on pace. When we begin the banter, my nervousness dissipates, and it begins to feel natural. Soon we have a great flow going, and it feels like two regular bros out on a Friday night.

  We prepare for the last scene. I feel a little more confident from our prior scenes and think to myself to not make a big deal out of it. Josh pulls up next to me, and I immediately notice he smells like dark roasting wood and subtle spice. He looks up into my eyes. I see his pupils dilate, which surprises me; then, he moves in closer to my mouth. His gaze drops from my eyes to my lips. I move into him the rest of the way and approach his lips then move slightly to the left and move my lips next to his, not touching, just grazing his cheek. We breathe each other in for a few long, heady seconds. He puts his hand around my waist, and I place mine on his shoulders to draw him in, and we stare deeply into each other’s eyes at that proximity and hold.

  There is complete silence in the room. I unlock eyes with Josh and look around to see if anyone is still there. They are. Their eyes are wide and blank, though. Then ever so slowly I see Steph and Genie start to smile, as well as Abby. Then I hear Genie shout, “YESSS!” and throw her arms up in the air. The others begin clapping and shouting. They love it. I look at Josh and realize we are still in an embrace. I drop my hold and tell him, shaking my head, “Looks like we’re a hit.”

  He shrugs shyly. “It looks like it.” Then he offers a small smile; his brow still furrows though.

  Genie runs up and hugs me, Steph shakes my hand, and they tell us what a great job we did and how they knew we could do it. I give my thanks and arrange to meet them after we finish up here. When they walk away, I turn to talk to Josh.

  I say, “Well, that was weird, am I right?” I try to lighten the mood.

  “I’ll say.”

  “Thanks for being a great sport and such a professional. You’ll go far in this business with that attitude.”

  “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.” Then he reaches out to shake my hand again, which feels strange now that we have been basically flirting with each other for the past hour. I take it, and he squeezes then I squeeze back. We re-establish our bro-dome.

  In Steph and Genies office, we review the screen/chemistry test. It looks even more amazing from that point of view. I can’t believe how well we meshed almost instantly, finding each other’s pace and playing off each other’s wo
rds. I hadn’t felt any connection like that with another castmate since my time with Gemma…

  “I don’t want to hear anything else other than you are in,” Steph says.

  Without even having to contemplate this further, I say, “I’m in.”

  “Perfect, we will get the contracts drawn up.”

  Chapter 4

  Josh

  Iam so late. Vito is going to flip out on me as soon as I enter the restaurant. I was supposed to be there over an hour ago. I can see it now; he is going to can my ass, and I will be out next month’s rent. I’ve been bar tending at Vito’s Restaurant for a while now. I intended only to have this be a short gig. But a few weeks turned into a few months, which turned into a couple of years. I barely have anything saved, and my landlord is on the hunt. I still owe the bastard from last month. Combine that with student loans, medical bills, credit card debt, and you have a recipe for disaster. Trust me, the struggle is real.

  I burn rubber into the parking lot and try to park on the opposite side of the restaurant where no one can see me enter. I go through the side door and check around. There is no one here yet. I grab my apron and head toward the bar. I see Sam, the hostess, and try to break eye contact. She knows I’ve been on thin ice here the past few weeks since I have been stepping up my audition efforts. I’ve been late almost every day the past couple weeks, and Vito has had it.

  I go around the bar and grab a towel to start cleaning for my shift. My eyes keep darting around looking out for Vito. Sam walks over and says, “Just a heads up, Vito was already looking for you about 20 minutes ago.”

  “So, it’s too late to fake it?”

  “I’m afraid so. I tried to cover for you, but he saw through it.”

  “Don’t worry; I pretty much knew I was toast before I even walked in here.”

  “Sorry, how did the audition go?”

  “It went well I think, unexpected, but okay.”

  “Oh my god! Did you get to test with anyone famous from the show?”